The Masochist Structure—The Endurer
I feel stuck. It’s not my fault I can’t move forward. There’s always someone or something blocking my way. I’m anxious and no one’s able help me. No wonder I often complain about my job, boss, and relationships. It’s hard for me to be disciplined about things like diet, exercise, or cleaning my house. At times I feel hopeless, believing my life will never improve.
Early Wound: If you developed the masochist structure, you most likely had a parent, who was overly controlling, protective, humiliating, or punishing—especially around food intake and potty training. This thwarted your self-expression and creativity. The only recourse your child self had against this overt suppression was to inwardly say, “No, I won’t,” while outwardly conforming. After a while, you learned to enjoy—or at least receive satisfaction—from this “No” stance because it was the only behavior that wasn’t controlled. This sets up a life-long pattern of saying no—even to things your adult self wants.
Behavioral and Psychological Characteristics
- Self-defeating behaviors
- Blaming and complaining
- Feeling stuck
- Deep shame/humiliation
- Difficulty with positive pleasure
- Victim mentality
- Built-up anger
- Anxiety and negativity
- Reject any type of authority including schedules or any type of “should.”
Gifts: large caring heart, creative, fun-loving, good sense of humor, persistent, hard working
Healing Exercises: Creativity and Movement
- Since your self-expression was squashed as a child, it’s now important to unleash your creativity through journaling, art, music, and dance to name a few.
- Even though you probably resist routines, any kind of physical movement helps eliminate stuckness—swimming, walking, dancing, jumping for joy. Find what works for you. Vary it.
See Chapter 4 of Hidden Treasure — The Book for more information.