The Oral Structure—The Abandoned One/The Lover
I’m overwhelmed! I never seem to have enough energy, time, or money to do what I need to do. Why do I have to do so much work? Someone should be taking care of me.
People don’t appreciate all I do. I worry that my partner and friends will leave me—if they haven’t already done so.
I find myself always giving and not receiving, and often feel empty inside.
Early Wound: If you developed the oral structure, you most likely did not get the nurturing you needed as a baby. This sets up life-long feelings of deprivation, which never seem to be met. This may take the form of never having enough time, energy, or money. You may feel empty on your own and believe you need a partner to be fulfilled.
There are two types:
Collapsed Oral, who show their neediness
Compensated Oral, who deny their needs and do everything themselves.
Behavioral and Psychological Characteristics—Both Types:
- Empty feeling in chest
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Not enough time, energy, or money
- Filling the emptiness with addictions
- Difficulty asking and receiving
- Excessive talking
- Outwardly helpless
- Energetically depleted
- Want others to take care of them
- Want a partner to fill emptiness so they can feel complete
- Denies needs
- Higher functioning than the collapsed but further away from original wound
- Can’t count on anyone
- Takes on too much responsibility, followed by collapse
- Gets annoyed with people who are too needy
Gifts: intelligent, articulate, sensitive, social, natural teacher and writer
Exercise: Filling the Hole
- Lie down and hold your arms up, as if reaching for what you want—love, energy, or peace.
- On the inhalation, take a series of short breaths, as if you were blowing up a balloon in your chest. Imagine taking in whatever you need, whatever you’re longing for.
- Hold your breath for a long time, imagining what you need is now inside you.
- Breathe out one long exhalation.
- Repeat several times.
- Lower your arms and notice how your body feels.
See Chapter 3 of Hidden Treaure — The Book for more information.