Psychopathic Character Structure — The Controller/Leader
When anyone criticizes, questions or challenges me, I get my back up, ready for a fight. Can’t they see my point of view is the right one? It’s hard for me to trust that things will be okay, so I take control.
I need to impress others—telling exciting stories or being the best in some endeavor—so I can win their love and acceptance. Yet, people often betray or disappoint me.
Early wound: If you developed the psychopathic character structure, you probably experienced some kind of betrayal in your early life. One of your parents, particularly the one of the opposite sex, did not get his needs met from his spouse and gave all his attention to you through manipulation and seduction. At some point this undue attention was withdrawn — or got weird — and you felt betrayed as a result. This led to feeling unsafe since you felt the rug could be pulled out from underneath you at any moment.
Result: As an adult you may use the same kind of intimidation, seduction, and manipulation as the offending parent in order to feel safe. This might take three forms: threatening, seductive or withdrawn hostile.
Behavioral and Psychological Characteristics
- Need to be special
- Problems with self-esteem
- Need to win at all costs
- Need to control their environment
- Trust issues
- Expect betrayal
- Difficulties with long-term relationships
Gifts: powerful speakers, good with words, charismatic, creative, and versatile, perceptive, sensitive to issues of injustice and oppression, sensitive to issues of power or control
As a response to feeling betrayed and unsafe, you developed many behaviors, which made it difficult to find your way back to your true self. Ways to reconnect are:
- Practicing truthfulness: This is one of the best ways to heal this defense because so much of it is based on making yourself more than you really are. You could keep a truth journal, noting each evening—without judgment—when you have or have not been truthful that day. This can bring dramatic change to your life.
- Listening to your inner voice and following it: Meditation can help with this.
- Noticing when you pretend to be more than you are: This can bring you back to your true self.
- Noticing when you are feeling uneasy: Often your body tells you when something is off and you are not in your truth.
See Chapter 5 of Hidden Treasure — The Book for more information.